you’ve pierced yourself till you bleed,
willing the darkness out of you,
till all you had was the light you so desperately sought.
You’ve let your soul stay imprisoned in this place for so long
Tell me did you find pleasure,
so why cling to it?
do you not know the darkness sits afraid of you
I am a cantankerous cacophony of trips and falls
Resets, upgrades and crashes;
A medley of wordless sounds
piercing the mass of the universe.
I am making my mark,
Creating music and art from the indelicacies of life.
I have to.
My sanity depends on it.
If only to savor the depths,
i will wade into the abyss,
watching as the sands of time
arrest the universe,
in hopes that in this forlorn moment
Home, i will find
When i was weak, you strengthened me.
You ripped the flesh from your back,
placed it firmly on me….
sheltering me from the darkness.
Now here i lay
a prisoner to the elements
recasting the dice to take me back to that place
that time of overwhelming sense of self
I wish i didn’t feel the way i do for you.
That dreams of you do not follow me into the dead of the night…
that the embers of dawn did not carry your name in their midst
I have prayed that your kiss was not the nourishment i crave,
that your touch wasn’t the calm to my soul
That we never made fire,
that these scalding tears were not real
But most of all, i wish you didn’t have to leave me…
i could never have you whole you see
i had to break you down
into digestible pieces
for my palate lacked sophistication
and you paid for this lack
I was birthed from pain
Formed in the very depths of the universe.
i laid within her
drinking of her,
nursing at her teat.
i sharpened my spirit for the battle that is this Life,
laying in wait to make it my footstool.
prepared me for the war that lay within your arms