In the midst of wolves my heart sought solace
home washed over me, held me captive in this sweet embrace.
Peace followed this untamed wildness
as we serenaded eachother with sickly tales…
delighting in wounded carcasses
prowling for it in the midst of the nebulous night.
Till the thirst filled their throats,
choking their nostrils,
till they bayed for it
clawing at my back…deeper and deeper
till my heart beats no more, finding its dark solace in this place
Today i awoke,
Awoke with madness sleeping beside me
fingers intertwined as the day beckoned.
I feel it,
Moving like a wind beneath this flesh,
from the bottom of my feet to the core of my soul;
Restlessly causing my joyfulness.
Bursting around the seams you are,
Spilling uncontrollably about darkened crevices
Hurling joy at the dead spaces of my life.
I feel you
Your fire, consuming my death
Reducing this accursed existence to ashes
Calling Life, beyond the Grave,
Rising gloriously like a phoenix from the ashes,
soaring in the heavens
In search of the divine.
I feel your love
Discarding the dirt accumulated by the whims of the world
Cleansing me fully
Pulling me closer to renewal…
In this madness. I am finding divinity
I am weakened by this maddening Joy
I have learned to wade into the shallow waters of pain.
To recognize my reflection in its murky waves
letting my body, weighless to its power
surrender to this undulating will
I bare witness as my ego sinks to the bottom,
feeding the ravenous hunger that fill it
dying a little from this unwanted surrender.
I claw at life,
searching for respite.
Hoping against these insistent waters
to find revival in its depth.
for nourishment to fill my soul, in this place
Once upon a time,
I carried spring within me;
revival and renewal grew harmoniously in my core,
birthing hope on the daily.
For i housed Gaya.
Now My curse makes its home on my shores,
Making camp, as it tears gleefully into my soul.
For How long will you stay?
For how long will i entertain this guest,
serving tea and sweets to this thing
will i be held captive in this place like the prayer beads hold captive ones blessings?
Is this home?
or will my soul find freedom
taking flight like the birds of the air do?
Am i forever to be courted by this thing,
making a home,
sharing its bed like forlorn lovers?
My mystic will you stay silent?
Will you rob me of respite.
Relieve me of this curse
Here i lay in the bosom of Calamity
suckling at her teat
waiting for her nourishing Ambrosia
to fill this body;
Ready it for the warpath that lays ahead
She was my first love.
My place of freedom from whence life beckoned me.
Her arms, the anchor i clung to through my dark birth held me close.
her chapped uncertain kiss
bore the honey dipped ointment to my scared cries…
Her presence, sturdy as the oak
was my safety,
the calm that carries me in my darkest moments.
Dirty, raw, uncut like the rarest diamonds,
takes my breath away.
She is my brilliance
She wore her weakness like a badge of honor
Sporting the finery that each weakened moment
had etched about her.
Beautifully broken lines
Woven intricately into the fabric of her body,
She had no need for gold and diamonds
For she found it within herself,
Smelting her circumstances
Sharpening her existence
to become her own hero,
Digging though the mud to find her nirvana.
Her weakness, her pride,