I come from a tribe of sex-less women
women who drown in the pools of birth and piety to keep a man
Women who balk at the call of their innate need…
need to feed the goddess that reside within them
I come from this place
where self-indulgence spells harlot
where fucking mocks piety
The piety of bearing a seed in this sin
I come from this place
where pleasure demands immediate cleansing,
to wash this scent of life itself, clean
I exist in this place where my desires reflection stands like a stranger
An affront to my eyes
I have grown accustomed it.
the sumptuousness of this silk
Each intricately strewn thread vibrating on the plains of consciousness
each weave, heavy with pain.
I have made my peace with it. Somehow.
The euphoria stealing its way to my life,
closing its hands upon my heart..
Numbing all else
electrifying the dead thing i insist on having.
I feel the cleansing each tear bring;
underneath the cover of this sumptuousness
this transformative call,
this reciprocity of life residing in death.
So now i wait,
as my wings spout forth from this cleansing
making me whole
In the midst of wolves my heart sought solace
home washed over me, held me captive in this sweet embrace.
Peace followed this untamed wildness
as we serenaded eachother with sickly tales…
delighting in wounded carcasses
prowling for it in the midst of the nebulous night.
Till the thirst filled their throats,
choking their nostrils,
till they bayed for it
clawing at my back…deeper and deeper
till my heart beats no more, finding its dark solace in this place
Today i awoke,
Awoke with madness sleeping beside me
fingers intertwined as the day beckoned.
I feel it,
Moving like a wind beneath this flesh,
from the bottom of my feet to the core of my soul;
Restlessly causing my joyfulness.
Bursting around the seams you are,
Spilling uncontrollably about darkened crevices
Hurling joy at the dead spaces of my life.
I feel you
Your fire, consuming my death
Reducing this accursed existence to ashes
Calling Life, beyond the Grave,
Rising gloriously like a phoenix from the ashes,
soaring in the heavens
In search of the divine.
I feel your love
Discarding the dirt accumulated by the whims of the world
Cleansing me fully
Pulling me closer to renewal…
In this madness. I am finding divinity
I am weakened by this maddening Joy
She was my first love.
My place of freedom from whence life beckoned me.
Her arms, the anchor i clung to through my dark birth held me close.
her chapped uncertain kiss
bore the honey dipped ointment to my scared cries…
Her presence, sturdy as the oak
was my safety,
the calm that carries me in my darkest moments.
Dirty, raw, uncut like the rarest diamonds,
takes my breath away.
She is my brilliance
Today was a bastard.
The curveballs thrown my way seemed to be leaden with spikes, dipped in volcano vomit. It was gross and I am now locking myself in my room willing it to be tomorrow already.
I woke up like Beyonce, all prayed up and Boss status like the Child of God I am, but damn the minute my feet hit my less than stellar carpet, the devil and his minions, decided to play tag with my emotions.
So I did the logical thing. Tossed my to-do list aside (cos I was crippled by this time), turned the music up, and proceeded to dance in my sweat drenched sports bra and towel. I danced all the damn emotions to the side, I danced mindlessly, letting the music fill my lungs as it coursed through my body. I submitted to my mindlessness and how blissful it was to not be at the whim of the day. When I finished with my mini-show, i somehow was strengthened to take on the rest of the asshole day… I was more productive after this mini dance mania than in moments when I allowed my fears and emotions rule my day.
Some days are like this, unfolding uncharacteristically with aplomb like an orchestra out of sync, rushing into your being like a ton of bricks. It Is adamant in crippling you and rendering you useless, with attempts to convince you that you are failing and will continue to fail. NO you are not. So go ahead and give days like that the finger. Play your music loud and proud dance (naked or clothed) like no one is watching (except well, if you have neighbors) even if it is for 5 mins..no make it 10mins. Bask in it, truly bask in it like the hippies did. If it isn’t music, then paint, or cook or sculpt or read, or lie down and stare at the ceiling. Take a moment to just.fucking.live
Now to end this shit day i shall proceed to wiggle my bottom to this gem
The land of the free danced giddily in her minds eye as she tried to center her thoughts. The images lured her in their superficiality and zestiness, forcing all humility to the side. She wanted it. What laid beyond the borders of the waters that ran through her veins.
This lust followed her as she walked confidently to join the winding line of bodies eager to enter the white bricked building that held the fates of those eager to taste the shores of the promised land; America.
Now here she stood. Window 5. Staring at the face of the bearded man with skin like colour of a plump ripened tomato.. His hair the color of wheat, was brushed carefully to the side away from his red face causing his red cheeks to stand like prized trophy. A cream shirt with beige tie matched his emphasized redness. He looked like those naked round babies with wings that lined the pages of history books- Cherubim she thinks they were called. This cherub had kind smiling eyes that spoke before he did. In that smile, her faith was reinforced.
“Your documents” the kind eyed red man said.
She watched as the turning pages competed with the sound of the air-conditioning on full blast.
She scanned the faces around the air-conditioned room, sweating as they laid silent entreaties at the feet of the one they served.
Stamp. She smiles.
“I’m sorry but you do not fulfill the requirements for an American visa at this time.” The smile slowly crawled off her face. You are welcome to try again in a couple of months’ time.”
Window number 5…
His cherub smile followed her home, like an unwanted companion