I wish i didn’t feel the way i do for you.
That dreams of you do not follow me into the dead of the night…
that the embers of dawn did not carry your name in their midst
I have prayed that your kiss was not the nourishment i crave,
that your touch wasn’t the calm to my soul
That we never made fire,
that these scalding tears were not real
But most of all, i wish you didn’t have to leave me…
i could never have you whole you see
i had to break you down
into digestible pieces
for my palate lacked sophistication
and you paid for this lack
You are too bold, they said.
Do my words sting?
does your blood rise from fury from the flow of truth uncouth?
does my release from years of tormented silence shrivel your manhood?
does the blood coursing from my ripened tongue turn your flesh cold?
as the color gushes forth unbidden from this ocean
I will no longer swallow myself
to provide nourishment
for your fickleness
Once upon a time,
I carried spring within me;
revival and renewal grew harmoniously in my core,
birthing hope on the daily.
For i housed Gaya.
Now My curse makes its home on my shores,
Making camp, as it tears gleefully into my soul.
For How long will you stay?
For how long will i entertain this guest,
serving tea and sweets to this thing
will i be held captive in this place like the prayer beads hold captive ones blessings?
Is this home?
or will my soul find freedom
taking flight like the birds of the air do?
Am i forever to be courted by this thing,
making a home,
sharing its bed like forlorn lovers?
My mystic will you stay silent?
Will you rob me of respite.
Relieve me of this curse
Here i lay in the bosom of Calamity
suckling at her teat
waiting for her nourishing Ambrosia
to fill this body;
Ready it for the warpath that lays ahead
GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE!
Give to me the passion that unfurled within and burned the ground in its wake
the tears that broke many a heart…
Give me the years of hope laden breaths,
the odes and prayers that escaped my lips,
whipping my spirit into shape.
Cloak me with my pride,
that i may be armed against the tyrant lips of the outside.
Give the love that was once mine;
a brief moment, lost in time..
Give me court to glimpse his eyes to satiate my soul
to drown in that soul that so engulfed me.
Give me my life
for i do not recognize the footprints that follow my shadow