2019…lets go

It took me a while to draft this piece up. I am still in the process of putting my discombobulated thoughts into cohesive sentences. As 2019 presses on fervently, i find myself trying to live like the awakened ones do; you know, the ones who have their mantras and intentions firmly ensconced in their minds, marching towards certainty. But alas, week 2 into the year and i am flailing like a frightened chicken on the brink of death.

So to hell with it. Rather than follow the crowd (which has its merits sometimes), i will tend to my own garden. I will plant seeds of hope, and watch as they bloom of their own accord. I don’t know what will unfold, but there can be no harm in trying to improve.

While the year beforehand was filled with woe is me mantras and incessant self-loathing, this year will focus mostly on the possibility of dreaming, of growth, of learning, of leaning into the power of positive what ifs. I mean what the hell is the point of life if not living voraciously through the truckload of ups and downs, swings and misses, love and loss meeting us on our journey. It would be an absolute waste to focus solely on the bad times, of which there are and will be many.

common event problems and solutions

So with that wild preamble, I am dubbing this year the year of SOLUTIONS (for me atleast). No more excuses. Excuses never broke ceilings and generated ideas. Excuses never made a way in the valleys. Excuses never paid bills, never put food on the table and made time to self- heal (mentally, emotionally and physically). Excuses are energy drainers, so lets just drop that shit. Only elevation and self -growth this year. So…how we gon do this?

-©Akz8518

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Honey

i will not dip my words in honey 

for you 

sugar coating 

my eye rolls at your bigotry. 

No. 

I will not play party

as your cruelty takes center stage. 

I will not eat my silence when 

i will hold you accountable 

to your heralded promises to me. 

I for damn sure 

will not plead the 5th

relegating my freedom to those hands 

dipped in blood. 

I am worth more than 

these pendulum swings

A.k18

LighT

for how long will you strike your home,

feeling as the darkness spill onto this carpet.

You’ve cursed yourself at the behest of this darkness,

 this atrocious thing you insist on carrying,

that you forgot the call of Light you carry

Did it make your being bloom and glow at this insistent strike

Do you not feel its sheer terror at your breathing Light?

Hold on….

Ak.17

D-ar-k-Ne-ss

you’ve pierced yourself till you bleed, 

willing the darkness out of you, 

till all you had was the light you so desperately sought.

You’ve let your soul stay imprisoned in this place for so long 

Tell me did you find pleasure, 

so why cling to it? 

do you not know the darkness sits afraid of you

A.k 17

Wish

I wish i didn’t feel the way i do for you.  

That dreams of you do not follow me into the dead of the night…

that the embers of dawn did not carry your name in their midst


I have prayed that your kiss was not the nourishment i crave, 

that your touch wasn’t the calm to my soul

That we never made fire, 

that these scalding tears were not real 


But most of all, i wish you didn’t have to leave me…

Again…

The wOmen

The women before me, 

the wives,

ministers,

Shamans,

teachers

the echelons, 

the leaders…

the ones who made a feast of their silence on the daily

bowing at the altar that is their husbands


The ones who pierced the night

beckoning their husbands from the dark,

cleansing their palates from the bitter aftertaste of lust lugged home by their husbands


These women 

they live in me

their silence fires my soul

emboldens my passion and stride 

strengthening me in hours of doubt..

for them i carry the torch of life 

(A.k 17)