I wish i didn’t feel the way i do for you.
That dreams of you do not follow me into the dead of the night…
that the embers of dawn did not carry your name in their midst
I have prayed that your kiss was not the nourishment i crave,
that your touch wasn’t the calm to my soul
That we never made fire,
that these scalding tears were not real
But most of all, i wish you didn’t have to leave me…
The women before me,
the ones who made a feast of their silence on the daily
bowing at the altar that is their husbands
The ones who pierced the night
beckoning their husbands from the dark,
cleansing their palates from the bitter aftertaste of lust lugged home by their husbands
they live in me
their silence fires my soul
emboldens my passion and stride
strengthening me in hours of doubt..
for them i carry the torch of life
I will make of these weary bones,
creaking and fragile to the touch,
sweet melodies from beyond Valhalla.
Music of life shall i make from the embers of Death;
conjuring sweet poetry from these ashes
to sate you.
From these cinders,
will your soul will get its fill.
within these embers,
ambrosia shall burst forth.
At the deafening sounds of doubts,
I beat my chest,
rousing this feeble heart…
speaking Life into it
in hopes that i do not drown in my fallibility
I tell it lovingly,
You have been validated,
with a thousand galaxies,
exploding, imploding within
Birthing new life with each breath
bringing you to this space of beatified worth.
You ripped through space and time
breaking nothingness to bring your very essence to life
why shrivel from the forces that spew fire at you?
Do you not know you are light personified?
I have grown accustomed it.
the sumptuousness of this silk
Each intricately strewn thread vibrating on the plains of consciousness
each weave, heavy with pain.
I have made my peace with it. Somehow.
The euphoria stealing its way to my life,
closing its hands upon my heart..
Numbing all else
electrifying the dead thing i insist on having.
I feel the cleansing each tear bring;
underneath the cover of this sumptuousness
this transformative call,
this reciprocity of life residing in death.
So now i wait,
as my wings spout forth from this cleansing
making me whole
In the midst of wolves my heart sought solace
home washed over me, held me captive in this sweet embrace.
Peace followed this untamed wildness
as we serenaded eachother with sickly tales…
delighting in wounded carcasses
prowling for it in the midst of the nebulous night.
Till the thirst filled their throats,
choking their nostrils,
till they bayed for it
clawing at my back…deeper and deeper
till my heart beats no more, finding its dark solace in this place
I have learned to wade into the shallow waters of pain.
To recognize my reflection in its murky waves
letting my body, weighless to its power
surrender to this undulating will
I bare witness as my ego sinks to the bottom,
feeding the ravenous hunger that fill it
dying a little from this unwanted surrender.
I claw at life,
searching for respite.
Hoping against these insistent waters
to find revival in its depth.
for nourishment to fill my soul, in this place