you’ve pierced yourself till you bleed,
willing the darkness out of you,
till all you had was the light you so desperately sought.
You’ve let your soul stay imprisoned in this place for so long
Tell me did you find pleasure,
so why cling to it?
do you not know the darkness sits afraid of you
I am a cantankerous cacophony of trips and falls
Resets, upgrades and crashes;
A medley of wordless sounds
piercing the mass of the universe.
I am making my mark,
Creating music and art from the indelicacies of life.
I have to.
My sanity depends on it.
If only to savor the depths,
i will wade into the abyss,
watching as the sands of time
arrest the universe,
in hopes that in this forlorn moment
Home, i will find
When i was weak, you strengthened me.
You ripped the flesh from your back,
placed it firmly on me….
sheltering me from the darkness.
Now here i lay
a prisoner to the elements
recasting the dice to take me back to that place
that time of overwhelming sense of self
The women before me,
the ones who made a feast of their silence on the daily
bowing at the altar that is their husbands
The ones who pierced the night
beckoning their husbands from the dark,
cleansing their palates from the bitter aftertaste of lust lugged home by their husbands
they live in me
their silence fires my soul
emboldens my passion and stride
strengthening me in hours of doubt..
for them i carry the torch of life
You are too bold, they said.
Do my words sting?
does your blood rise from fury from the flow of truth uncouth?
does my release from years of tormented silence shrivel your manhood?
does the blood coursing from my ripened tongue turn your flesh cold?
as the color gushes forth unbidden from this ocean
I brew magic everyday
on this ebony canvass divine
destitution and death from this body of mine
I have kissed every crevice,
spoken lovingly to the darkened parts,
serenaded it under the starry moonlight
and awoke it with kisses at dawn…
i have loved myself to life,
with every birth and breath of mine,
to have you rip me apart again.